1. |
adderall
04:32
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comforting monotones
that crisp white silver, those gold aching bones
why'd you have to go so soon?
did you feel the blood leave your exit wounds?
nothing in reality feels safe, the way your whole world seemed to shake
when you screamed like bronze
to the white, white sky
can you see the new moon from between the bars?
and when my delusions fade
i find myself tripping on batteries again
and the clock that's ticking my name
anything, anything to make me feel sane
and when i attach to reality
just one look up and i'm back on the batteries
adderall, adderall, i don't feel you anymore
and i'll write it on the wall, ceiling, floor
pretending to evaporate into nothing at all
when you're ready you can take it all
you can take it all
will you take it all?
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2. |
ativan
03:08
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|
now i feel like
like i'm you
so i put on my shoes, put on my shoes
put on my head and start again
truth be told, my pain threshold
only copes with the pain i deal myself
i'm so jealous of all the help you get
i suffer in silence, i suffer in death
make an attempt, best shot yet
don't take them for granted
you take me for granted
smash my head, i saw you walking through doubt
dazed and confused, the smell of air in my blood
the house with beams never brought me good luck
and now i feel like, like i'm you
and now i feel like, like i'm used
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3. |
fluoxetine
03:18
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|
distant, dramatic
versatile, and distracted
i feel weak and disgusted
but only at night
no more closing doors, there's something crawling under my skin
self loath perspective
we're thinking too much and need to be stopped
i stared at the wall for far too long
hoping to find a reminder of myself
each step i take is a back track
a relapse on your menthol
the candles in your eyes
drown it out and take a dip in your coffee
it's 10:09 again and i refuse to be scared
opening up again
i think we need to start again
whisper words of irony
back to the chemists
the pills i took didn't mend it
back to the beginning where my life was so very empty
crying eyes, but your chest is no longer heaving
don't lie to me, i see past the prescription you gave me
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4. |
haldol
03:53
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|
darkness transcends, staring out of my window again
slow motion
i stop dead in my tracks
the choice that i'm living is a known fact
you're denying me
unless this skin of mine is sewn to every surface that you see and know
i'm nothing
you see, you know
you follow me home and it's frightening
i hit my head off the sanctuary floor
i failed to kneel before you
the only time i'll get seen to it when i'm having from the rafters
collar turned up, fingers tied up
wrists ablaze, your angry gaze
pull up a chair and look me dead in the eye
what am i fighting for
excelling is exhausting, everything's a strain
empty drained, i'll see you again
excelling is exhausting, everything's a strain
i'm seeing stars, i'm the limelight you crave
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5. |
mirtazapine
04:36
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|
what's the point in tomorrow when the sun will rise?
i make every attempt to be born again
assured i listen to every word you say
your words are meant to heal me
not conceal me
conclusion is; i'm on the happy pill
take your time, ease you up
make amends, i'll cheer you down
rise against the dying light
the sun will set and we'll begin to fight
that stern pace that you walk in, do you know that we're all gonna die?
my pain is not just physical
don't tell me it's all in my mind
my hands are rough from the sandpaper i used to smooth my wounds
what is passion?
what is pain?
and what is life when there's nothing to gain?
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6. |
naproxen
01:54
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|
trickery, false flattery
breaking and entering
do my eyes tell the truth?
they're the window to my soul
the road looks like a wishbone
and i'm wishing to go home
all these words i wish you'd uttered
rain cascades, i dance in my lying skin
i tried so hard to find the moon
i tried so hard to get closer to you
you were my mother
and i was your hero
i was your mother when you were at zero
with your snakeskin eyes
i'm terrified
in these words i say i'm sorry
i hope you can fix me, i know you're not worried
falsely accused, do you speak malice or the truth?
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7. |
paroxetine
03:17
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|
there's nothing worse than a raging headache
scratching my skin until my blood is no longer transparent
what about this feeling, this plan in my chest when i don't do things right?
is it not obvious?
obviously not
these video games are insane, i do not fit the phase
ride the tidal wave
down some pills and pass away
what are lyrics without passion?
that blade is sharper than iron
curiosity didn't kill the cat, it killed itself
i lay there thinking about dying in the shower
the wires weren't connected, just like my brain
what have i done so wrong?
it was just a game
a craving poured out into something
the nauseous feeling of being alone
my head is spinning, but no one's home
what are lyrics without passion?
that blade is sharper than iron
curiosity didn't kill the cat, it killed itself
anxiety is caused by the thing itself
i don't tell of my pain
'cause there's nothing you can do
speak, or say
to direct me away from pointing a gun at my head on a london train
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8. |
ritalin
04:49
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cloudy mind
this only comes at night
when it's there in the day it doesn't eat me so much
distraction is a thing that i'm no good at
when i try to leave it only comes straight back
you know i
you know i'm falling for myself
yeah, desperation strikes again
and i attach myself to my cynical thoughts
don't bring me down i'll only bounce back up
you only need me when you've been let down
you know i
you know i'm falling for myself
and i wish the ground would eat me up
because i know in my heart the world won't miss me that much
it's curtain call and i've been held up
won't you come and see me take a bow
you know i
you now i'm falling for myself
you can't fix me so i'll fix myself
sit around and wait for you to burn in hell
whilst simultaneously dealing triple nine
thinking's strange when you're sick and alive
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9. |
triazolam
03:20
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it's darker now and the stars are glowing
it's later now and my confidence is growing
somnolence, dependancy
i stay awake so that i can breathe
stay and watch me fall apart
i can't wait to see your face as i tear you apart
the blank tv never smiles back at me
slurring speech and your prophesies
i hate your prophesies
somlelance, dependancy
i take you now so that i can sleep
i take you now so that i can't breathe
it's not the worst that it could be
i'm not the worst that i could be
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10. |
valium
02:50
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i don't wanna think, i don't wanna know
i don't wanna feel like i let you go
i don't wanna think about the sky that's blue
or how i'm feeling high off the toxic glue fumes
fill my lungs and curse my eyes
i only see what's in plain sight
negligence aside, i think i'm feeling alright
although the grass is greener on the other side
i'm repeating myself, every song sounds the same i'm no indifferent from anyone anyway
the grass is too green, and the sky is too blue
the best things in life only come to a few
the sky is too blue and the grass is too green
the best things in life surely don't come to me
it's back to the beginning. you said i deserved to be treated like royalty, so put me on every medication you can give me. it's not the most poetic way, but at least these are my raw thoughts. subside the pain with more pain, every possible method. subsequent trips to the operating theatre. i'm a performer, my home is the table. feed me those chemicals, maybe that will boost my feelings, nothing will be mundane when i'm brought back to the chemists, again. so slaughter my thoughts, tell me who i'm supposed to me. i would do anything for you. it's just because you're acting your age, and i feel twice as old as i never was. loneliness is impending but weakness is sickening. my skin is crawling and my blood is boiling. i never wanted to be this fragile.
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11. |
ziprasidone
03:23
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i'm afraid i have to leave
why would you walk out on me?
prophecy, drowning in the deep
i asked you once or twice
the wallpaper's peeling before my eyes
i hope i don't sleepwalk, i'm terrified
i hope i don't sleepwalk i'm terrified of being afraid
when the nightmares start, don't think too much
don't doubt yourself, don't think too much
cross my heart and cross my liver
i'm done with thinking that i'm better
might as well just say good riddance
look in the mirror and be forgiven
have some heart, lay aside your arms
i forgive myself
when sorry isn't enough
and regret isn't done
dwelling isn't fun
it's time when it's time
we're not made for time
have some heart lay aside your arms
i promise you
i promise you we'll make it through
(woo)
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dissenter UK
👁
independent alt musician based in Scotland, passing on the passion
👁
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