1. |
ASCENSION
02:41
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we all have our enemies and mine is myself
we all have our fears and mine is myself
itās been a year since i gave in and went back to the chemist
with a heavy heart, soul burden art, i took all that they gave me and look where it left me
this loathsome shattered heart i use to create art has left me
the wills of forgotten temptations
lack of sleep, too many dreams
have created a damaged vessel my soul abides in forever
although my reflection remains the same
my lifeless body stares and shakes
doing anything to take my mind away, from the hell dealt on my pathway
stars blink, the moon twirls, ash transports me to a paradise world
although this is your war to fight, and mine to win
to stop surpassing my emotions would not let you in
my nausea runs through my tea-tainted blood
i canāt suppress my emotions anymore
i need to stop surpassing my emotions and begin to create once more
through these eyes, see all
my head crawls and my legs are sore
where can i find the solution to my withdrawal?
i donāt know who i am anymore
i hate this skin but the healing comes from within
iām just like the others
dig my own grave
to reflect and sit
once more a shattered soul,
my lips are dry and my feet are sore
i canāt find escape anymore, no matter what
iām always lost
itās time to change
itās time to create again
this time,
i donāt know if i mean it
we all have our enemies and mine is myself
we all have our fears and mine is myself
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2. |
SUICIDE HEIGHTS
03:17
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cubicles that scream my name
iām tripping out of my mind again
i hate the inevitable way iāll mess things up again
at last the height has taken its toll
iām not afraid of death anymore
thereās only so much pain you can drown away
and as the awful rain subsides
iām standing deep in my shallow pride
iām standing deep in my shallow pride
iām standing
surrounded by the green
i wish iād spent my childhood climbing
instead of fantasising about dying
the broken gate, straight roads ahead, itās all a haze
i swear i forget more every day
is it when i feel this way, or is my brain in constant pain?
and as the awful rain subsides iām standing deep in my shallow pride
iām standing deep in my shallow pride
iām standing
and as the
awful rain subsides iām standing deep in my shallow pride
it was food for thought i thought everything came true for me i thought
everything was on a downwards spiral i thought
i saw my nightmares unfold before my very eyes
looking down from suicide heights
the sickening towers loomed before my very eyes
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3. |
DEATH CENTRAL
02:53
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i hate how i always break down in your arms
iām sorry i always break down in your arms
the constant repetitive beat of your heart
iām sorry for my selfish love
and iām so alone i donāt even have a shadow
oh, iām so alone i donāt even have a shadow
in death central
fluoride and such thatās controlling our minds
chemicals in our water that keeps us behind
am i just your fantasy at night, or do you still love me in the daytime?
i hate how i always break down in your arms
iām sorry i always break down in your arms
the constant repetitive beat of your heart
iām sorry for my selfish love
and iām so alone i donāt even have a shadow
in death central
and iām catching redamancy doubt out of here
AND IāM CATCHING REDAMANCY DOUBT
I DONāT HAVE A SHADOW IāM SO ALONE
OH, IāM SO ALONE I DOāT HAVE A SHADOW
NO, IāM NOT ALONE I STILL HAVE A SHADOW
NO, IāM NOT ALONE I JUST DONT HAVE A SHADOW
NO, IāM NOT ALONE AND I STILL HAVE A SHADOW
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4. |
MORPHINE DREAMS
02:43
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high side slumber life
the alcoholic sleep
i promise i understand addiction more than you think
high side slumber life
the alcoholic sleep
i hope i donāt get too caught up in my morphine dreams
the truth only hurts the weak, so i carved the channel tunnel on my arm
(i was thinking on my feet)
you canāt blame a broken soul
i just want my art to flow
red from my veins
as you inject me up again
high side slumber life
the alcoholic sleep
i dance in the ashes that fall at my feet
too dazed to realise the time
am i really having fun?
you donāt know how much you crave the feeling
until itās gone
[trouble seeking burdens like me
climbing the heights in withering bodies
my only hope was expanding in the drop
so my body wouldnāt look so small
when i had hit the ground]
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5. |
HOMESICKNESS
02:01
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oh, homesickness
the one thing i truly long for
the comfort of feeling at home,
homesickness
i wept on the floor with grief
for the things iād never lost, leave me be
is this my mind or is this me?
the familiar feeling of my insides turning inside out
take it away
the ticking of the clock wonāt get itās grip off
and to set myself on fire would hurt less
then to hear the echo of your voice in this emptiness
take it away
unbearable pain
i can but dream of falling asleep
ācos when i fall asleep iām terrorised by bad dreams
donāt leave me i need to be strong
ITāS NOT EASY BEING THE ONLY ONE
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6. |
REVIVAL
03:33
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and as the rain doth clear, my thoughts are still here
but the ground has disappeared
and as the rain doth descend, on my heavy hand
i find myself still reaching out
for an anchor, for umbrellas
to keep my vessel warm
and when there seems no end, my journey has only began
the rain falls down and washes me away
i canāt believe that i feel like this every day
window sills and marching bands
difficult is the task at hand
lift my eyes up to curtains black
fear my only friend i welcome at last
to the open, to the darkness,
to the blinds that i never have the strength to life
to the halo above my window pain
come see the storm thatās about to begin
the rain falls down and washes me away
i canāt believe that i feel like this every day
every day
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7. |
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and with the poisons on my lips
i hate waking up like this
my mind is like a kelidascope
all the colours that i see
all the people round me that i wish i could be
the awful useless, clueless being
living inside my head
shouting colours at my bed
sure a sign that iām not dead
but my body will soon be enough yet
and with the poisons on my lips
and the daylight breaking in
at least the morning has control
more than i did so
and with the poisons on my lips i hate waking up like this
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8. |
HOSPITAL HOME
02:07
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iāll never reach your expectations
who are you to say?
my body in the ground, youāre watching
waiting for that knock on your door
so ādonāt you dare ever hastenā
āfar too youngā
then donāt be raising expectations
death has us all on his list
iāll never reach your expectations
who are you to say?
death has us all on his list
carpet floors, this is no hospital home
far too young to be cold, complacent
constant;y complaining
constantly blaming
in your sick lungs
the place is cleaner than i thought
especially since everyoneās diedā¦
iāll never reach your expectations
who are you to say?
IāM IN THIS HOSPITAL HOME
THE LONLINESS LASHING AT MY WALLS
THE DAREDEVIL GRIN
SEEKING PAIN WITHIN
PLEASE COME KNOCKING
KNOCKING
KNOCKING
IāLL NEVER REACH YOUR EXPECTATIONS
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9. |
BLACK DOG
03:44
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they say you reap what you sow
so thatās why nothing i plant ever grows
turmoil, pollution
my black dog, it threw me
stays put like a good boy
comes whenever i donāt call
but i donāt want this pet anymore
tossing and turning all night long
it barks, i wake, it barks, i yawn
but i donāt want this pet anymore
my black dog does more harm
but who else could i give it to?
see me on itās leash
bound so tight that i canāt breath
itās collar must suffocate it
but what else can i do, but feed it?
my only fuel
drains me like a vampire cartoon
iāve nothing left, to care for this pet
i just donāt have the guts to put it down
one night it attacked me
all up my arms it scratched me
once my only friend
but now it drives me round the bend
sinks its teeth right in
this is not a companion
BUT I DONāT HAVE THE GUTS TO PUT IT DOWN
NO I JUST CANāT BARE TO PUT IT DOWN
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10. |
EUPHORIA
02:58
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the cool nights surrender, blood flows through my open window
they said prevention is better than cure
so go and let me mess up my life some more
but nowās the time to take control
i need control, to have control
but my violent thoughts are uncontrollable
i miss the benzo bliss
the tears erupt fall down my lids
a self distractive void
seek no refuge make no noise
oh, those hazy days
the sun is out but iām feeling gray
i want the lies to stop
panic, fear, my heart once stopped
beating out my chest,
but, oh believe me, i live for this
yellow euphoria i feel it now and i donāt want it to go
apologies, scattered lies,
i wish i didāt have this awful pride
but with the end in sight
i cling to my future with bright eyes
would you believe me
or even try?
i learnt more today than in school years gone by
i miss the benzo bliss
the tears erupt, fall down my lids
a self destructive void
euphoria is all i want to find
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11. |
DISSENSION
02:21
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my soul is in deep anguish
how long HOW LONG?
just like David
I call out in despair
to a being
Iām not even sure is there
clarification or even a sign
horrific nightmares of violence
time after time
and as the rain turns to snow
my heart begins to thaw
Iām still not sure who I am
anymore
but this journey of mistreated youth
was the only way to learn the truth
I saw the
anti christ that lives under your roof
now I must escape to where
the towers loom
although dependency is a tenant
I pick up the remnants
of emotions, dreams, hopes, surprise
but even after all of this time
Iām still alive
we all have our enemies and mine is myself
we all have our fears and mine is myself
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dissenter UK
š
independent alt musician based in Scotland, passing on the passion
š
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